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SEPARATING
PEACEFULLY
by
Natasha J. Rosewood
Parting can be such sweet sorrow .
. . or hell on earth. The only constant is change. But because we are
always either infecting or affecting others, it is how we deal with those
changing relationships that reflect what we are really made of.
All kinds of people come and go in
our lives, some leaving footprints in our hearts and some leaving a hole
in our souls and/or our bank accounts. So what price do we pay for perpetrating
more anger and hurt during a separation? We can make a different choice.
We can choose to separate peacefully.
Although each separation is as unique
as the individuals involved—the following tips offer a way to leave
our relationships with grace and our souls intact.
- Don’t leave it too
late. Take positive action while you still have something to
salvage in the relationship.
- Focus on a higher purpose
than yourself.
E.g. Your children or world peace. Then keep your eye and heart on the
goal. Don’t waver from that vision!
- Remove yourself from the
game. Walk away from the who-did-or-didn’t-do-what power
(less) struggle. If you have safety concerns while dealing with the
other person, contact your local social services.
- Treat the other person
as able and willing. People often unconsciously respond and
behave according to that higher version of themselves.
- Speak the truth with compassion.
When communicating your grievances, use the sandwich technique;
positive (e.g. I appreciate you for this . . .), negative (However,
I feel hurt/angry/disrespected when you) and always finish with positive
(I would like to . . . remain friends/thank you for . . .).
- Take responsibility for
your part in the breakdown of the relationship. Once we accept
our part in creating the problem, we also have the power to solve it.
- Welcome the opportunity
to grow. Whether we are the "dumper" or the "dumpee,"
we can acknowledge that this milestone is an opportunity for a new life.
- Say thank you for all that
person has taught you. Give each other something good to take
away from the relationship. Be specific and be generous in your praise.
- Give above and beyond.
“Generosity is the virtue that creates peace,”
say the Buddhists. Give more than is fair or expected or what the lawyer
tells you. (If you follow these tips, you won’t need a lawyer.)
- Embrace the FEAR. (Fictional
Evidence Appearing Real) Be aware of what your fear is and ask yourself
if it is, indeed, real. Only deal in facts, not emotions.
- Ask for help. You
are probably hurting. The physical equivalent of what you are experiencing
might be having your skinned ripped off, exposing raw nerves. Get support
from counselors, friends, family or strangers. You are not alone unless
you choose to be.
- Be kind to yourself and
the other person. If you are the dumper, you may have being
going through the leaving-grieving process for years. If your loved
one is ambushed by your departure, give them time to catch up and come
to terms with it. Be gentle in all your dealings.
The greatest gift of all in separating
peacefully is knowing that although the context of your relationship has
changed, you can look back with pride. Perhaps you have inspired others
to do the same. Because if peace begins with you, here is your opportunity
to bring peace to the world. Amen/Awomen!
Natasha J. Rosewood is an International
Psychic Coach, Facilitator and Author of Aaagh! I Think I’m
Psychic (And You Can Be Too). For details about her services,
to purchase her book or subscribe to her newsletter visit: www.natashapsychic.com.
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